Every good poem has to start somewhere

If there's something wrong, I can't see it.
Every test I've given, he's passed it
Are there answers written on my face
or is there something about me that only he sees

Boring and Sane

how much did it hurt?
well, how many tears would it take to fill the atlantic?

And did it change me?
i don't know, have you ever made a circle quadratic?

can a single moment in time
define the rest of your life.

for me, it was when
i made you cry.

the first five seconds i was in shock
how could it get this fucked up?

if we could be ruined, i thought
then no heart anywhere could ever be safe

that was it
my heart cut its only cord to my brain

And now I'm just boring and sane.

what's not

yet another unfinished poem...

why won't i let myself dream big?
who did i believe when they said it wasn't for me?

Money...it's for rich people
Nice clothes...they're for thin girls

If he could choose anyone
It wouldn't be you, Melanie

You want me to believe that simply isn't true
But who says it's not, besides you?

it's hard to hear you out
when i can't even listen to myself

after all the promises he broke
you actually expect me to trust someone else

i can't believe in what you're saying
when i dont see it in anything you do

i can't keep dreaming with my eyes open
wondering if i'll wake up next to you

so.today i think i'll send you a letter
telling you exactly how i feel

i'll change my number and see
how long it takes for you to give up on me

is that the only way i'll figure out
what's real and what's not?

why im good enough for you

he really understood me
but he didn't know how much that meant
i knew he never got me
i made him mad, but he loved me in spite of it

now u wanna play both roles
but u cant decide whether to bet or to fold
you confuse me
in a way i'm not sure i like.
i should be used to you
after talking to you every night
but i get tired of waiting and wanting
it seems like that's all i ever do

so i ask myself
maybe if i stopped drinking so much caffeine
or charging things i don't really need
maybe if i went to church on sunday
and waited by the phone all day every day
maybe then you would accept me.

what if i didn't pick at my face or
talk too loudly through the movie
would ur life have a space and
could u introduce ur parents to me?

This Time

doesn't it seem like you got what you didn't deserve
like you extended them your hand, only to get burned
just like you did last time
when you said it was the last time

Don't it feel crazy to know you've really lost again
just when you thought you had the upper hand
that's what you thought last time
when you said it was the last time

You know you gotta get knocked down
To get the perfect view of life laying on the ground
It may look like it did last time
But there's a reason that wasn't the last time

Now you see, Truth is undeniable. Beauty is what you behold.
You can't be upset about the things you can't control
You know that even in the worst times...
There will always be a next time
And that's enough to bring comfort to your soul

Diamonds to A Baby

He told me never to look too drunk at bars.

We had a safe, comfortable love.

He cleaned the lent out my dryer

Stayed on the phone while I

Walked to my car or drove home

From work.

It was never contrived, But genuine

I didnt notice then, but maybe

God gave diamonds to a baby

And she didnt know not to play with them

Had I known how to love, I wouldve

Held on tighter to what I had.

Had I known how much diamonds cost to replace

I wouldve never left that place

Without saying what needed to be said.

There are a few things money cant buy

And a few times sorry isnt good enough

Now that Im looking for diamonds

The only thing I see is rough.

Just Checking

Just Checking

I kept thinking about all the things I never said.

What about the all earrings I lost AND

the times I overslept.

What about you, where was I when you couldn't sleep

or when your boyfriend broke up with you?

Working at the mall? I was running late for school

and I couldn't talk.

I was crying in the bathroom at work.

While I forgot to walk my dog

OR clean my room

I looked down and all the dirty towels on my floor were screaming FAILURE! at me.

I screamed back about pressure, and good grades, and why I always ate too much.

I yelled until the inspection sticker on my car outside heard me

Til the voice mail box shut up

I yelled until I was done yelling, and crying, and I was ready to drive

AWAY!

Have you ever felt that way?

Like you couldn't get far enough from yourself...

But you loved yourself right? And everything was fine.

Just checking, because I couldn't make up my mind...

Happy or sad?

Here or there?

Him or him or him
?????????????????

Or me?

Or a little bit of everything.

Just checking.

Sunday Nights

it's one of those nights when i feel alive
and all i want to do is pretend to be asleep

But there's someone already in my bed
and with no particular place to go
No certain number to dial,
no embrace I'd prefer...Here is where I'll stay.

I'd really rather not feel a thing
because when I do, I feel it all at once
it's nice at first, but then it just kinda hurts.

I usually listen to the same old songs
they're the ones that help me remember
when I first felt alive. or was it that I died?
My favorite memories are all ones from a past life.

When it's a quiet night like this..my mind is loud
I'm writing down how I feel, and a lil bit of what I think
and I wonder maybe he was all just a dream?

Maybe I should just lay back down in my bed
and stop worrying about who is next to me
I've been feeling long enough for one night
now it's time to go to sleep.